Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
