i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
