So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
