Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
