We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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