I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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