I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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