walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
