what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltš
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him āBeast Modeā. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
