Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
