yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
