Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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