I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Is Oprah even human
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
