Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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