She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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