I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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