ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
