No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
