so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
