I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
