I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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