this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
