Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
