so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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