Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
