I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
