I don't think brook has ever known best
you win again, gameday.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
