made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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