is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
