fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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