i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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