I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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