I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
