Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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