k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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