Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
