dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So squirting runs in the family.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
