so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You dont lie about slip and slides
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
