the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
When are your genitals available?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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