Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
