I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
