She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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