covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
