Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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