I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
