Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
