I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
