Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
