I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
