I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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