Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
