I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
and i looked up. we had an audience...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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