If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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